Internetless.

Heather and I are pretty much completely moved into our new apartment. We’re internetless until tomorrow…hopefully. It’s so strange how intertwined our lives become with the internet to communicate and find/transmit information. Nice break from the internet, but I’m ready to have ready access to it again.

See you all on the flip side.

Dual thoughts…the serious one wins.

I have two completely different thoughts right now that I wanted to share… Seems like that’s usually the case. Always makes for interesting conversations…the first was, I’m moving very soon…maybe in two weeks. Crazy.

The second, I had a mini-epiphany a little bit ago. I was listening to Flyleaf – So I Thought on YouTube that had the lyrics. It got to the end of the song and the last stanza stood out so much louder than everything before it:

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

And that was really awesome. Jesus is in between all the twisted thoughts I see. I can relate to that. Cool. And I move on to finishing reading blogs with that in the back of my head. And the first site I get to that had a new post is Lance’s and what had he written about? The last two stanzas of that exact same song. Maybe I was supposed to think about it more? I guess so!

Those words made me think of the time I prayed for God to remove the twisted memories (or what I like to refer to as “flashbacks”) from the year prior, or at least minimize them so that I had one less thing to fight against as I waded through the mess that was my life at the time and sort out the things that held me in the sin that was drowning me. That was a long sentence. God provided. He gave me the time needed to make changes, choices, and cut out the bad parts. When I did remember something, all I could remember was the deep and gut-wrenching pain that was caused by the situation I put myself in. Remembering that part pushed me closer to God and reminded me that being with Him was the only way to live. I always thought of it as God “blocking” that time in my life…and then I read those lyrics. “And all these twisted thoughts I see, Jesus there in between.” It wasn’t just God saying, “oh, here’s a wall for you to block most of that time so you can function as a normal human being without being drowned by the sick, twisted thoughts that keep oozing out of the crevices of your brain.” It was God saying, “I sent Jesus to take care of that for you. He’ll protect you now that you realize you’re sick and broken and need Him. He’ll shield you. He’ll go in between. He’ll heal you. He’ll make you whole. Put your sin down and obey Me.”

Just go…God will provide.

I was talking with Heather today online and we were discussing having the words to say to someone…or finding them that is. And the phrase that is my title for this post is what I told her. About the same time she was writing me to say that was really good, I was realizing the magnitude of that statement. That wasn’t me saying that. And it definitely wasn’t just for Heather to hear…err read. It was for me too.

About a month ago in my bible study, we were going over the sovereinty of God, His power, His provision, etc. One Wednesday we were discussing God’s will in our lives and what that meant and looked like. We talked about the times we have to make decisions quickly with little time to pray over it and seek Godly counsel as much as we would like. It’s always so hard at the time, weighing the pros and cons and ins and outs, when you have to make a decision quickly. I haven’t had a situation like that in a while.

I did today. I had to decide by this evening whether or not to move to a small apartment in Hancock with Heather. I didn’t realize how comfortable I’d gotten living back at home until today…until right now. I’m perfectly content to live at home. From time to time I desire to be on my own, but overall I enjoy being here. I suppose that is partially why it was so hard to make my decision. I’ve been comfortable, spoiled even, living at home. But I think moving will push me to grow more. I have no reason to worry, to be nervous, to turn my nose up at a perfectly fine opportunity. I need to stop holding myself back and playing it safe.

I just need to go…God will provide.

Jane Austin Quiz…

Which Jane Austen Character are You? (For Females) Long Quiz!!! created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Elinor DashwoodAs Marianne’s older sister, Elinor lives at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She rarely reveals her intense feelings and is more concerned with being honest and loyal than having what she deserves. Even though her intentions are pure, she sets herself up for loss by constantly placing other people before her own needs. Overall, Elinor is gentle and rational but is just as capable of radical emotions (despite her withholding them) as her sister. Elinor Dashwood 75% Elizabeth Bennet 72% Emma Woodhouse 69% Jane Bennet 66% Marianne Dashwood 56% Charlotte Lucas 47% Lady Catherine 31%

Working 40 hours…

I now have a week paid vacation and some assortment of paid time off. I don’t know the details yet. Whatever they are, it means I get time off with pay. It’s pretty cool.

It’s rather strange to work 40 hours a week. I suppose it’s not exactly what I imagined, although it is very close. I am still enjoying my job and my coworkers, 95% of the time. haha My life has calmed down considerably since my schedule has become a little more predictable and routine.

I still have my other two jobs…I know, when will I not have three jobs? haha It’s taking it’s toll though. I will be glad when the next two weekends roll around. That will be the last I’ll work at the Bridal shop. I need a day off with no repeated obligation. And I want to be able to do things with people that require me to be available before 6 pm. So, I’m excited about that.

I’m still adjusting to not being a college student…It such a strange process when all your friends you spend the majority of your time with are college students. And I don’t feel like an “adult”…does anyone ever feel like an adult? And should they? I think I’ve decided that believing yourself to be an adult lends to a mindset of accomplishment and thinking you know more…which easily leads to pride and self-centeredness. Maybe we are accomplished and know more at some point…but do we need to act like it? I say no.
Two phrase come to mind: Pride comes before the fall. We are all students, we never stop learning.

Watching the people I interact with, at the college level and the “professional” level, makes me think on this topic a lot. All these people who think they’re doing great things in the business world are some of the most uncomfortable, miserable, and lost people I’ve met yet. And a lot of the college students I’m friends with are some of the most level-headed, thoughtful, laid-back, Christ-centered people I’ve ever known. I don’t want to become like the people I’ve seen growing up and like those in the working world now, I’d rather be like my friends and like Christ. Hopefully my mindset will inspire the people I interact with while working like some of my friends have inspired me.

Just a smidgin of what has been rolling around in my head lately…

The Inevitable

Tonight my brother’s girlfriend came over. She has a new short hair cut with darker color. It looks great. I wondered what Jeremy thought of it. He likes long hair. (What’s with guys and long hair???) I found out he didn’t like it. No big surprise there. What can I say, I know my brother well.

I said something to her about not worrying what he thought because it didn’t matter what he thought. I went on a mini shpeel about it doesn’t matter until you say “I Do”…maybe it matters a little when you’re engaged, but not really. haha My dad made some comment about how I should have gone to the Relationship retreat thing. I internally rolled my eyes. If what they learned was that your hair cuts, makeup, clothing, etc are determined by your significant other- who-is-not-yet-your-spouse, then I’m not interested. But that’s a whole other post.

A few minutes later, after hushed talking by my mother to Tara who was across the room, I found out my brother and Tara are engaged…and have been for a few weeks or more. Figures. I talk about engagement/marriage related things and here they are engaged. hahaha My dad wanted to know if I was going to apologize for my comment about the hair thing. No way. I stand by my word. It doesn’t matter what he thinks about her personal appearance and what she wants to do until they say “I Do”. It’s not set in stone that you’ll be with someone until then, and I’ve learned from experience that making decisions for yourself based on that other person doesn’t work because there’s no real, true commitment yet. It could end tomorrow. Anyway…

I always knew he’d get married before me. I don’t really know why. I just knew. And I was right. Unless, of course, I am proposed to within the next few weeks, I say yes, and we plan a wedding before they do. HIGHLY UNLIKELY!!! hahaha

They haven’t set a date yet. It’s kind of weird. My younger brother getting married. So strange. He acts like an old man. And I act like a kid, so in that respect it’s not so strange. But…he’s still my little brother. And that is weird.

An Analogy of Sorts

The sun is shining, it’s a little warmer, and everything is drippy outside. It’s getting lighter sooner and darker later. I love when spring and summer are just peeking around the corner. The earth starts to be uncovered, animals creep out of their hiding places, plants start to unfold and show their beautiful textures, shapes, and colors, and life is evident all around. I’m more willing to venture outside as well…
It reminds me of life before knowing Yahweh and after coming to know Him. Our lives are rather dormant, cold, and almost lifeless. We know there’s something buried under all the “snow”; the chores, work, school, responsibilities, relationships… It’s not uncovered until Christ shines on us, warming up our inner being, showing us the parts that need to melt away (although sometimes it feels like some things have to get chopped or pounded out…). Our lives feel drippy, mucky, messy sometimes, but we know that the end result is something beautiful, exciting, enjoyable, and breath-taking…worth waiting for and doing the “yard work” to help advance/enhance the what is taking place.

Of course, there is beauty in the winter as well…but warm, sunshiny weather inspires me to do so much more.

And So It Begins…

Wednesday night marked the start of my training for the Canal Run this summer. Since it was late, I only ran a leisurely 5 mph for a mile. I’m going to go run in a few minutes. I’ll probably run faster tonight. I don’t want to waste all the time I have free running on a treadmill! Plus, I need to be able to comfortably run over 10 miles by June or something…

I finally got to talk to Erin! (And Anthony too.) YAY! I miss you, Erin.

Time…

My life is crazy. Did anyone who knows me not already know that? haha

I didn’t realize how normal it is for me to always be busy until I was talking with Amy, who was up to visit with her husband this weekend, and I had mentioned how busy I am with which she responded with, “Oh, you’ve always been so busy.” I need to accept the fact that I will always be busy and my life will not calm down enough to “have time” to do “whatever” with said time. It cracks me up really.

Me: “After this week, my life should be “back to normal” and I’ll have more time to hang out and read/sew/call/insert activity here.”

One week later:

Me: “After this week, things will slow down and I can “relax” and not run all over the place.”

Maybe after 5 years of saying that I would learn…although I really did think I wouldn’t be so busy after I graduated. Of course, it doesn’t help I still hang out with all the college people, thus always have something going on. It’s fun though…and it makes me laugh when I say to myself or others, “After this week…” because deep down, I know I’m probably going to be just as busy or busier. I just haven’t given up hope that one day, it will be true.

Goodbye Xanga. Hello WordPress.

Well. This is different.

I think I like it better. I think I’m fully embracing the fact that Xanga and I were growing apart…and their “updates/upgrades” was the final blow. It was good timing. A fresh, crisp, new “journal” for a new chapter in life. (Only way more interactive. *wink!*)

Being on here feels like when the snow slowly, gently falls overnight as the full moon shines down. Everything is quiet and the snow looks perfect and glittery and undisturbed. Maybe that’s because I haven’t written anything until now…and I haven’t posted the URL just yet.

I’m glad I can transfer all my xanga posts to here. Cool huh? I just need to wait for my Xanga archive to be updated. And I can have links to anyone (or anything) I want. It’s not limited. And I get to have way cooler themes that actually work and don’t clog up the browser loading. Everything just flows better here. Maybe because they’re more worried about the function rather than social networking and big numbers. Quality vs. Quantity. Quality will win in the end.